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Smart online dating.Smart online dating InformationA Coin TossI suppose one could say there are two sides to every coin. The coin being myself, I know that this statement is true. Although I am a person of many different characteristics, I basically boil down to the person I am and the person I hope to be. What is the goal, I ask myself. So many people strive to be so many things. For some the aim is money, beauty, security, power, influence; who has the nicest house, who has the fastest car- the list goes on and on. Not that any of these things are bad in and of themselves, but the moral and ethical standards of our society have been left behind in the pursuit of these pleasures. So, what is important? Is character even needed in the new century? Here is where I have to believe that most people are in the same pickle that I find myself: how do I live a happy, successful life in the company of others? Is what I do and how I treat those around me going to effect the world I live in? I believe the answer is yes. Just think- if everyone acted however they wanted to, our world be chaos! Why? Because people act and respond upon their ethical value system. Now, are everyone's moral and ethical standards the same? No, obviously many different people make many different decisions both right and wrong. However, as C.S. Lewis commented in his book Mere Christianity (21), "human beings, all over the earth, have this curious idea that they ought to behave in a certain way, and cannot really get rid of it", and secondly, "that they do not in fact behave in that way." People do expect a certain standard from each other, and it is here that we find a higher law pressing upon us, including factors that span across time, cultures, nationalities, etc. We call this the Moral Law or the Law of Human Nature. For example, among every nation the people agree that murder is morally wrong and should be punished. Moral duty obliges people to act fairly, honestly, justly, etc. I bring up this issue because this is what provides a framework for my character. My character is developed from the beliefs and standards I find present in my life, the Moral Law being the highest one. Now, people may argue that ethical values and morals are relative to each individual person and situation, however, relativism not only removes the need for absolutes, it grays the lines to what people have agreed upon as right and wrong. And that is what our coin toss is all about. Why should I do something right? Why should I respect others, be honest and truthful, obey the laws of the land, respect myself, etc.? The question almost answers itself. You can't go wrong by doing what's right. Many people, including myself, face this decision frequently: do I sacrifice my character for a material gain? Okay, have you ever looked into a mirror and the reflection isn't yours? Oh, the face is the same, but you know it's not the real you? I'm talking about your character. The Apostle Paul said, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do"(Rom.7: 15, NIV). He was talking about the continual struggle we all face when confronted with every day moral dilemmas. It truly is an internal battle to stick to your convictions, when the other options are so appealing. The battle for character is definitely alive and kicking in my own life as well. There are aspects of my character that I have worked very hard to develop, and there are other aspects I am trying to bring up to speed. Commitment, for example, is one characteristic of myself that I try very hard to uphold. I try very hard to stay committed to my priorities: my family, my friends, my religion, my job, and my education. Commitment is rooted deep into my character because it was a quality instilled by my parents since I was young. I adopted it fully as my own when I started seeing rewards to my commitments. Dedication to any area of one's life brings meaning, understanding, and growth. People will also recognize and have trust in your commitment and involvement. Another character trait is being trustworthy. It is not enough to say you are going to do something, people want to know that your action will follow your words. Being trustworthy requires me to act out of dedication to what is right. I want people to know that I will fulfill my responsibilities in full. The way I have tried to establish this belief in my character is by holding these words in my heart: if you are responsible for the small things I will reward you will larger things. I hold myself to a higher standard, believing that I am serving not only those around me, but also One that requires such action and will reward it later. Proverbs says, "serve man as you would God". To this end I try to establish myself as one that can be trusted in both things large and small. Integrity is one of the personal commitments to myself. I want this character trait rooted deep within my person, because I believe it provides the foundation for sticking to what I believe. Integrity is doing the right thing because I know it is right whether people are watching or not. I try to base my life on principles and beliefs that will provide guidelines for the situations life will throw at me. I want to become a person of undivided loyalties, an open book, where my words and my deeds always match up. However, the world we live in encourages anything but! Having integrity must come from who I am and who I have become. It is a given that I will most likely make some poor judgement calls and encounter many mistakes, but I at the same time I want to have my heart dedicated to responding with what is right. I guess integrity boils down to the inner strength of your character: the decision to be completely honest and sincere within yourself about where you stand on your virtues and beliefs. Not only that, integrity gives people a reason to have trust and confidence in the person you are and it gives you the privilege of influencing their lives. It results in having a solid reputation, not just a clever image. Generosity is one other characteristic I can mention. The act of being generous with my time, money, friendships, ideas, love, etc. impacts so many people beyond myself. It is not about what I can receive out of giving, but rather it is allowing someone else to partake in my good fortune, no matter how small or large it is. Even though the natural tendency is to hold on to those things one has worked so hard for, I cannot count the number of times I have experienced the kindness and unselfish giving from someone else that has brightened and changed my whole day. Generosity is not just a testimony of a kind person but of a giving spirit that has the true well fare of another individual in mind. Sure, it is hard to treat everyone with the same attitude, but when you know that the greatest gift of love and sacrifice was done for you, it places giving in such a new light. So when the character of generosity and giving is planted deeper than my selfish instincts and desires, then it will be the first to respond to the needs of others. Now that I have shown you the bright side of my coin, let me show you the dark side of it. I'm not so sure that it is so much dark as it is dull. Dull because this is the side of my character that needs further attention and work. I want the following characteristics to become just as strong and pronounced in my personality as the previous ones. Why are they weaker, you might ask? I think trials and temptations continue to reveal new aspect about one's self. When this happens you either turn away from the mirror or you stare all the more intently into it. To become perfect, as God is perfect is the goal, so as much as it hurts and reveals the flaws, deeper we must go. I am probably not alone when I mention forgiving is a character trait that is hard to work on. We all have situations where we have been hurt by people's actions and words. I have personal instances in my own life where I continually have to deal with past grievances and how to have forgiveness. It is very easy to become bitter and angry, hindering growth in this area of life, and quite likely in other areas as well. So I need to have a strategy for dealing with unforgiveness. First I have to realize that forgiveness is not smoothing things over on the surface. It is dealing directly with the problem and forgiving/eliminating it from the people or person's involved- just like it never happened. Easy to say, hard to swallow! Second, I will take actions in my own spirit to make this happen. I say spirit because it is a spiritual problem. 1. I will forgive in my heart because Christ forgave me. 2. I will act out my forgiveness, even if my mind and emotions are slow to follow. 3. I will continually go to the Lord in prayer to overcome this area. 4. I will continue to read verses and other literature on forgiveness to strengthen my character. Forgiveness does not just happen. It takes a change of heart. So, I resolve to do my best to forgive the issues in my past and to work hard building up forgiveness as a strength in my character. Time management is another responsibility I need to master. I believe that time is a gift from God and should be taken seriously and used wisely. I have the tendency to procrastinate and make excuses when it comes to time, and it is an area that I definitely want to improve upon. Being able to manage your time wisely is not only being responsible to God, but also to others who are depending on you. How will I work on this aspect of my character? 1. I will value time as a gift from God that I am accountable for. 2. I will learn the importance of prioritizing 3. I will ask others how they manage their time. 4. I will not put off until tomorrow what I can do today. Managing my time wisely will not only help me achieve my goals, but it will also give me more time for the needs of others, and even myself. I really want to work hard on becoming strong at time-management and prioritizing for these reasons and also for giving my character a disciplined life-style to grow in. Criticism is another area that needs to be looked at. I am very quick to make a judgement call on the actions or behaviors of others. I definitely need to work on controlling my tongue. Many times I use sarcasm to make a point, and I'm not very sensitive when it comes to mistakes. I want my words to build up, not tear down. The Bible warns us about the danger our words can have, so I know it will take extra effort to build positive talking into my vocabulary. 1. Ask God for help and strength in controlling my tongue. 2. Purpose to speak only words that will edify. 3. Practice coaching, teaching, and training/ not criticizing or demeaning. 4. Surround myself with people who like to encourage, not discourage. 5. Learn to believe in others. 6. Remove the plank from my own eye, before I try to remove it from another's. "Out of the mouth comes the overflow of the heart". I need to make sure I am truly honest with the virtue of my heart. Every day I need to examine my own motives for how I think and act. I want the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart to not only please the Lord, but also to encourage and edify those around me. I should be showing Christ, not some loud mouth, sarcastic cynic. One last character trait I would like to work on is contentment. I know I am not alone in this struggle. It is so easy to find yourself wishing you were in a different situation, in someone else's shoes, or with someone else's things. Our society glorifies image, status, and the possession of material things. Our eye's are always on the newest item and the latest gadget. Being a woman, it is also hard not to envy or desire things we see that other women have. However, the Bible continually reassures us to be content in all matters; the things of this world are only temporary and will fade away. Because we are constantly bombarded to seek after new things, I must have my virtues grounded in solid, spiritual truths that will be able to see the eternal, not just the temporary. 1. I will read my Bible daily and keep my vision focused on the life of Christ, not the life on earth. 2. I will examine my motives for desiring things. 3. I will ask God to keep my thoughts focused on what is important. 4. I will ask those I respect to keep me accountable. It is a hard task not to be enticed by "stuff". I need to be content with the person I am and the life God has given me. This is what was given to me to improve and work with, not the lives of others, or things that get my focus off of what really is important. I want my character grounded in the truths and virtues that are eternal. I will make it a point to go to the Lord with my requests; He knows what I need better than I. So now you have seen both sides to my coin. One day I want both sides to be as pure and bright as the other. Every day my coin gets tossed into the air; every day it is a challenge to see which values will be tested. But the test is worth it. Character matters. It matters before God and it matters before those who see God through us. It is not always easy and it does not always feel good. But it defines who we are and what we stand for. 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